These [will be] a few of my favorite things

So, I'm up half a pound from last week.  303lbs.  I've reached a point that I always reach.  The point where I want to lose weight, but I'm having a hard time not reverting back to all of my old habits.

To help me get through and remember why I'm doing this, I'm going to take a suggestion from my sister, Lou, and write out all of the things I'm looking forward to once I lose weight...

• Greater variety of theatre roles
• Dancing
• Fitting on roller coaster rides again
• Finding bathing suits that fit properly
• Ice-skating
• Mountain biking
• Rock-climbing
• Fitting in auditorium seats
• Hiking
• Shopping in the 'misses' section
• Playing tag
• Ropes courses
• Skiing
• My new scale being able to calculate body fat %
• Shopping at Victoria's secret
• Fitting all seat belts
• Bungee Jumping and or Sky Diving

Challenge Zone

Fifth Grade Camp was great!  I just got back to Zeeland about half an hour ago.  This year was our first year at a new camp.  There were quite a few things I miss from previous years, but I had a really good time and there were a lot activities that stretched both the kids and me.  One theme that was repeated quite often throughout the camp was that of finding your challenge zone.  There are three zones: comfort zone, challenge zone, and panic zone.  None of the kids were forced to do anything they didn't want to, but they were all strongly encouraged to stretch themselves by putting themselves in their challenge zones in different activities.  It was great, so many of them were able to do things that they didn't think they could do.  It was difficult, but they did it.

Throughout camp, I kept finding myself thinking about my struggle with weight.  Often these thoughts were brought on by finding myself either self-conscious during and activity because of my size, or unable to do activities because of my weight and fitness level.  It was hard.  It is not fun to see people doing things that I very much want to do, but can't.  It is also not fun being the largest person in a group and having obvious challenges because of it.  But you know, I did a few things that were difficult for me, and I'm glad I did.  I definitely brought myself into my challenge zone, and I grew from the experience.  The kids were great, by the way.  Just as I had encouraged and supported them through the activities, they encouraged and supported me.  What a great experience!  As for the things that I couldn't do, I kept finding myself motivation to lose weight increased with each one.  In the past when I came to something I couldn't do, I would often get frustrated or depressed.  I will be honest, there was a little of that this time, but there was something else as well.  There was this hope that maybe next year will be different.  Maybe next year I can come and be a counselor at fifth grade camp again and maybe next year I'll be able to do some of those things that I wasn't able to this year.  That's what I'm going to focus on.  I'm going to challenge myself, and it won't be easy, but who knows, maybe I'll be able to do something that I never thought was possible.

Schlump

I had a schlump.  My first big schlump.  A few weeks of major off and ons, mostly offs.  I have not done a whole lot of exercising, I've been kind of eating whatever I wanted and however much I wanted.  But, I'm happy to announce that I am very motivated to be ON again!  I'm back up to 304 lbs, but I feel like I weigh more like 330. I am amazed that after doing things right for just a few months, I got used to feeling healthier.  Right now I just feel... bleh.

You know, I'm actually encouraged by the fact that I'm only up to 304 after doing everything wrong for a few weeks.  I am interpreting this as my body had started to become a better fat-burning machine through exercise and it carried over a little bit.  Yay, body!  You did great without me and now I'm gonna help you along again!  I kind of feel sometimes like my body is a whole other entity.  I often want to eat junk, overeat, and sit on my butt all day.  My body doesn't want those things.  It wants to be healthy.  So, now I'm gonna listen to my body and get up and move around.  I'm gonna eat yummy, nutritious things.  I'm not gonna stuff myself to exploding.

This week should be good because I'm gonna be at fifth grade camp.  Lots and lots of exercise, that's for sure!  And no junk food.

It's not about the weight... it's not about the weight...

I must admit, the up-down thing is getting a little old, and I was hoping to have ended it.  This entry is my attempt to convince myself that it's okay and to look at the big picture.

I gained two lbs this past week (so I'm back up to 304.5).  BUT... I ate lots of good nutrients and I got some exercise.  Both are successes.

I have lost a total of 4 inches on my waist since the beginning of March.  Also, I have lost a total of 2 inches from my hips, 1.75 inches from my thigh, and 1.75 inches from my upper arm.

I started out wearing size 24 jeans, and now those are so baggy that if I don't wear a belt, they fall off.

It's NOT about the weight.  It's not about the weight.  IT'S NOT ABOUT THE WEIGHT!

The 20lb mark!

I have officially lost a total of 20 lbs!  Well, 20.5 to be precise!!!  WOOHOOO!  I started out at 323lbs.  I am now 302.5 lbs.  I have lost 6% of my starting body weight.  My BMI has gone from 46.3 to 43.4.  I am so close to breaking below 300, I can taste it!  It's been YEARS since I was below 300!

This past week was great!  I got back into exercising.  I did a lot of walking for aerobic exercise, and I threw in a little pilates for some strength training.  It felt great!  At the beginning of March I HATED exercise, and now I look forward to it!  How cool is that!  I am still eating relatively healthy, but my intake did go up more than it should have this past week.  I am going to try to watch that this week.  I don't need my stomach to stretch back out to where it was.  But, hey!  I lost 20 lbs!  I'm feeling great!  I'm gonna go conquer the world!

click the chart to see a larger version

Back on track

My weight is going down again.  April sure has been a month of ups and downs!  But that's life, I guess.  I'm going to try to use what I learned this month to make May a month of just downs (in regards to weight, of course).  As of this morning I am down to 304.6 lbs.  That's a total loss of 18.4 lbs (5.7% of my starting body weight).  I'm feeling pretty good and I have had more friends and family say that I look like I've lost weight.  That definitely makes me smile!  My clothes are getting baggier and one of my belts is no longer effective because it's smallest hole is just a little too big.  Cool.  I have a friend who said she will do up my hair all pretty once I get under 300 lbs. I'll take pictures and post them for friends and family I don't get to see regularly. :-)

I was reminded again this weekend how awesome it would be to lose more weight.  I went to see Into the Woods at Cornerstone (which was fantastic, by the way, and made me want to be in a musical again) and the seats - although not as tight of a fit as it would have been a few months ago - are still uncomfortably tight.  It's not fun to have my mass overtake my seat and bulge over into the space of the person sitting next to me.  If I hadn't been sitting next to a close friend I would have been very embarrassed.  Hah!  Even writing about it is embarrassing.  I'm blushing!

I did better this past week about eating out.  Still went out a couple of times, but only got healthy food.  Didn't go on any real walks, but I have decided that I no longer can use lack of time as an excuse for lack of exercise.  From now on, if I don't have time to go on a walk, I'm going to do some other aerobic activity for at least fifteen minutes.  Seriously, fifteen minutes is definitely doable, no matter how busy one gets.  Today I did some lunges for fifteen minutes.  It got my heart rate to go up and stay within the target heart rate for a minimum of twelve minutes and it used my major muscles in a repetitive movement... those are the only qualifiers for aerobic exercise!  Cool, huh?  I'd like to go for a walk later today as well.  I miss it. 

Yesterday was the birthday of one of my brother-in-laws and we had a party.  I brought a bunch of different fruits and veggies and stuck them on skewers.  Everyone drizzled their favorite salad dressing on their veggie skewers and on the fruit skewers we drizzled melted chocolate.  Yummy!  I was pleased that I had made something healthy to share with my family that turned out to be tasty.  Good times!

I recieved a blessing from my Mom, too.  To encourage me to keep walking, she bought me a pedicure set.  I used it this week and it was wonderful!  My feet look great and feel great!  Thanks, Mom!  I love you!  I can't wait to go for another walk!

What not to do...

I'm sorry to say, but I did gain 3.4 lbs this past week.  I was not surprised at all.

The problem was that I went out to eat with friends... a lot.  I went to Applebees twice, TGI Fridays, IHOP, Wok In Wok Out, and Qdoba.  Whew.  I definitely need to limit that in the future (for my health and for my wallet!)  A few of those times I didn't make completely unhealthy choices of menu, but the ones that were unhealthy were really unhealthy.  I did have two meals that included a burger and fries, one that included an appetizer, and one that included dessert.  And of course, dine in portions are much bigger than what I would like to be eating.  Also, I did go for walks this week, but most of them were more leisurely instead of aerobic.  I'd like to get back on track with that as well.

So...  I'd like to not make this a gain-lose-gain trend.  The good thing is that I am now much more aware of how my body responds to the food choices I make.  After eating a burger I definitely felt sluggish and uncomfortable, and overeating actually caused me to feel some slight pain.  That is unusual for me.  I am used to eating and eating and eating until I feel like I'm going to explode and that's about where I stop.  I am happy to find out that my stomach has shrunk enough to be able to feel it sooner when I've eaten too much.

I am going to try my best to not eat out with friends this week.  It can be difficult for me to not eat out when it's a performance week for a show.  But with your encouragement, I think I can do it.